(What follows is an assortment of wishes, expressed by family and friends of people living with dementia, compiled by the writer over years of hosting support groups and personal consultations.)
“I wish our couple friends would still include me in social gatherings. It’s as if I don’t exist anymore because my spouse has dementia.”
“I wish my pastor would pray for my spouse. On All Saints Day, the church acknowledges those who have passed away. What about my husband? He’s been in a nursing home for four years. He doesn’t get visitors. He isn’t acknowledged in pastoral prayers, where the focus is on the sick and dying. It’s as if he’s in limbo.”
“I wish friends would still visit her. I think they’re uncomfortable; they don’t know what to say.”
“I wish people wouldn’t ask, ‘Does he still remember you?’ when they ask about my husband. That’s such a hurtful question. And what does it even mean, anyway? He doesn’t call me by my name anymore. But when I hold his hand and tell him I love him, he knows it’s me.”
“I wish my church family wouldn’t always ask how I’m doing. I don’t always know. Instead, they can just tell me that they’re thinking of me or praying for me.”
“I wish people wouldn’t say, ‘Let me know if there’s anything I can do for you.’ I appreciate their kindness, but it would be easier for me if they just offered to do something, like ‘Hey, I’m going to bring by some supper for you this week. What would be a good day?'”
“I wish people would pray for me to have joy.”
“I wish people would pray for me to be free from guilt.”
“I wish people would pray for me to feel peace.”
If your church or group is interested in hosting a presentation by the Dementia Institute, please contact us at Info@Dementia-Institute.org.
Rosemary Apol-Hoezee, RN, MPH, CPHRM, CDP
Dementia Specialist with the Dementia Institute
Info@Dementia-Institute.org