White pegboard covered the walls, and shiny, silvery tools hung in orderly precision, like stalwart soldiers awaiting direction. Tape measures and drill bits, chisels and sandpaper, and saw blades that looked like shark’s teeth were organized with purpose and forethought in just the right place for the woodworker. An old bench vise clamp with peeling maroon paint sat solidly on a corner of the work surface.
“My dad’s had that clamp as long as I can remember,” my husband said.
We were walking through my father-in-law’s workshop, a place of creation. I fingered a miniature wooden carousel awaiting a final coat of varnish that would never come. It was nearly identical to the one he’d made for our daughter some 25 years ago.
Against the wall sat the dollhouse he gave her for Christmas when she was four years old. We had returned it to him for needed repairs after it sustained water damage in our basement.
“I have no idea how to fix that,” my husband said now as we moved quietly around the room.
Our voices were hushed, our words sparse. It reminded me of when we’d toured ancient cathedrals in Europe, the reverential obeisance to that which was no more. I thought of my father-in-law’s hands at the recent lunch we’d eaten together at his assisted living facility, how he had struggled to spear watermelon chunks with his fork at lunch.
“Not the way it’s s’posed to be,” a character in a movie once said. I agree. And yet.
As a dementia specialist who works to imbue hope in people traveling the journey, I strive to help others experience the joy that comes when we’re able to meaningfully connect with people living with dementia. That connection is wonderful and real. It matters.
But let’s not sugarcoat the pain and hard knocks that come with dementia.
As my father-in-law and I finished lunch on that recent afternoon, I told him our daughter just learned she needed glasses. “She thinks she’s old!” I said.
We both laughed.
Rosemary Apol-Hoezee, RN, MPH, CPRHM
Dementia Specialist
At the Dementia Institute, we are here to support people living with dementia and their loved ones through the ups and downs of the dementia journey. Our at-home caregiver resources range from support groups to educational courses and personal consultations. Learn more about the support we offer by visiting the link below.