In the 1995 movie Apollo 13, flight controller Gene Kranz (played by Ed Harris) says, “What have we got on the spacecraft that’s good?” Kranz asks this after learning that the Apollo13 spacecraft sustained a nearly catastrophic explosion.
When journeying across the unknown dementia landscape, we might be tempted to ask this same question, “What’s good?” My father-in-law, who passed away from dementia in late August, expressed a similar sentiment one day as I helped him walk to the bathroom. As a man who had once been a volunteer firefighter and was “strong as an ox,” according to his two sons, he now shuffled painfully slowly behind a walker.
“This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me,” he said.
Dementia expert Teepa Snow advises people to prepare for the worst and to enjoy the good moments that come. Dementia will take us places we don’t want to go, but the more prepared we are, the better. Better moments do come, so be sure to enjoy their arrival.
Shortly before my father-in-law’s death, he struggled with eating because his hands were shaking so much. As my mother-in-law intervened to help him, she became teary. “Now, don’t cry,” he told her. “That’s not going to do any good.”
“That was so Dad,” she later said to us. “He was always the rock in the family.” And her seeing that glimpse again of the man she had married was a good moment for her.
In the introduction to her book Creating Moments of Joy, Jolene Brackey writes, “I have a vision. A vision to look beyond the challenges of Alzheimer’s and focus on creating moments of joy…. There are not perfectly wonderful days; there are perfectly wonderful moments that put a smile on their faces and a twinkle in their eye.”
That is true for all of us who are on this journey. And we can find moments of “what’s good.”
If you are yearning to create more meaningful moments with your loved one living with dementia, our Family & Friends Caregiver course can help.
Rosemary Apol-Hoezee, RN, MPH, CPHRM
Dementia Specialist
Learn more about caregiver courses at the link below.